Sunday, August 9, 2009

Hello, My name is Mormona.

Sunday clears away the rust of the whole week.

-Saturday night.
It was nearly 12:30 and my ears were unnaturally warm. I unbuckled my seat belt a few houses before we had actually reached mine. I wasn't planning to stay and chat once we were in my driveway. I walked into my house and locked the door behind me. The more I thought about what I had witnessed over the course of the day, the worse I felt about myself.

(Grumble) I'm pretty disappointed in myself for last night. No, no. It's not how it sounds. (haha) I just participated in some things with some old friends that I normally wouldn't have done now. I guess it's one of those situations where you ask yourself the next day, "Why did I even do that? Why didn't I just go home?"

A lot of things happened yesterday that I'd like to go back and handle differently.

For one example, I was sitting at the computer at my friends house and an older girl came up and basically asked why I had a t-shirt underneath my strappy shirt. I guess you could say that I was somewhat caught off guard at her question. I didn't give much more of a response than a measly shrug.
She then boldly continued to say something along the lines of, "You should have just worn the tank by itself.. You don't need to be all super mormon now. I get that it's more modest, but really, Ness.. Be real to yourself."
At this point, another girl was listening in on my critiques but didn't say anything.
But again, I didn't have much to say back. After she had walked away, I sat back in my chair and couldn't help but feel slightly embarrassed. What did she mean, "Be real to myself?" Who is she to say that it's not me? I suddenly couldn't concentrate on the computer and all I could think about were things that I could have said.. "It's early preparation for once I'm married. I'm going to have to wear clothes modest enough to cover my garments anyway.. I just like to.. I feel more comfortable not baring so much skin. It'd look trashy if I didn't wear a shirt underneath.." It would have been so easy to reply with any of those reasons.. But I didn't.
Why am I such a yummy dummy?
Today at church we talked about standing strong for our gospel. It was especially interesting.
It really racks my brain when the YW lesson seems like it was given just for me.

In Other News,
I had a decent birthday last Sunday, Allergies have been wild from the wind, Jon is still as great as ever, and Drill is incredibly vigorous.

Oh, I've recently realized that having a car makes me never want to go home.

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